Te propongo
So, i havent checked in with myself in a little while. I have been so busy with school but this is wrong. What makes me anxious and overwhelmed is not taking a step back, and have a bit of retrospective regarding my feelings and my current situation.
I have been dating someone for a couple of months now, and I wish i could say im in love over the moon and the happiest i’ve ever been but id been lying. This person does bring me a lot of joy but, there is a wall between us that im unable to let down. He’s doing everything he can do tear it down, he is so attentionate, so thoughtful, so respectful and always such a good communicator. Yet, my gut is telling me not to fall for it all. I tend to find defects on him all the time, he’s too nice, i dont like his humour, his short, i dont like his teeth, i wish he would talk less, i wish he dressed differently … I dont understand it. He is a very sweet man. Hardworking, caring, thoughtful… why dont i focus on that? It’s so hard for me to fall in love now, when it was so easy before.
I also dont want to hurt this person because i genuinely believe he doesn’t deserve it. He’s been through so much pain and abandonment already that i think its unfair both to him and to me that i give up so easily. But at the same time, i dont want to take it too far only to realize i will never actually fall in love with him. Im usually someone who is in love, or isn’t. I’ve never really been in between and i feel so uncomfortable and impatient because i wanna feel that amazing warmth inside of me. I want to feel comforted by this person.I want him to be my best friend, I really want them butterflies. I am frustrated and I feel a lot of pressure because this relationship is not meeting my expectations. i want real love, i want the vow love, i want telenovela love… i want my heart to explode and my stomach to sink every time i see him. I havent felt that… not even once. Is that normal? is my standard too high?
